A Year Ago Today
It was a year ago todayWe went our seperate ways
Strange now to think
That there could have been
A you and a me
The way we are now
Seems more natural somehow
It wasn't meant to be
But without that little fling
We would never have seen
The potential in each other
To be friends and not lovers
posted by Jeremy @ 5:35 pm
2 Comments:
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Again, I really like the way how this opens. It's a narrative we can all identify with. You have an interesting little irregular rhyme scheme with the first two lines, and then "now" and "somehow."
I like the sentiment in the last few lines; but it would be nice if you could tie it together a little more lyrically at the end, just to be consistent.
I say that from a reader's perspective -- not to be hypercritical. Again, it's just a matter of expectations. As a reader, I wonder: am I reading rhyme, or open verse, or something else? You have a lot of interesting work up here. But, as a reader, I think you could benefit if you aimed to achieve a little more continuity throughout your work. (For whatever my opinion is worth -- or not worth!) ; )
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